Aaron Ross Powell - Latest Comments in Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

Aaron Ross Powell — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:07:03 -0000

Ah, okay. The stuff about the finger is probably necessary exposition, since that plays a big role later on. But I'm gonna do my best to get information out via dialog as much as possible, since that tends to be more fun to read -- and a lot more fun to write.

Thanks for the feedback.

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

Aaron Ross Powell — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:07:03 -0000

Thanks for the feedback.

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

George Donnelly — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:09:45 -0000

I mean the parts between the paragraphs that start with the following fragments, inclusive:

The driver smiled at him

</li>
<li>

The streets were empty

</li>
</ul>

I'm not saying it's all bad, just saying it drags a tad compared to the paragraphs before and after it.

hth

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

George Donnelly — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:09:45 -0000

I mean the parts between the paragraphs that start with the following fragments, inclusive:

The driver smiled at him

</li>
<li>

The streets were empty

</li>
</ul>

I'm not saying it's all bad, just saying it drags a tad compared to the paragraphs before and after it.

hth

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

Aaron Ross Powell — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:20:15 -0000

Thanks, George. By the bus part, do you mean just the couple paragraphs actually on the bus or the whole section between when Jimmy leaves the bar and when he meets Ellison?

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

Aaron Ross Powell — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:20:15 -0000

Thanks, George. By the bus part, do you mean just the couple paragraphs actually on the bus or the whole section between when Jimmy leaves the bar and when he meets Ellison?

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

George Donnelly — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 12:32:52 -0000

The ride on the bus drags a bit. I found myself wanting to skip over it.

The part in the bar carried my attention.

It's an interesting start. So far it seems like a rather unique concept.

Keep up the good work.

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

George Donnelly — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 12:32:52 -0000

The ride on the bus drags a bit. I found myself wanting to skip over it.

The part in the bar carried my attention.

It's an interesting start. So far it seems like a rather unique concept.

Keep up the good work.

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

George Donnelly — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 12:32:52 -0000

The ride on the bus drags a bit. I found myself wanting to skip over it.

The part in the bar carried my attention.

It's an interesting start. So far it seems like a rather unique concept.

Keep up the good work.

Re: Karaoke Quintessence: Chapter 1: Juju

Aaron Ross Powell — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 12:20:15 -0000

Thanks, George. By the bus part, do you mean just the couple paragraphs actually on the bus or the whole section between when Jimmy leaves the bar and when he meets Ellison?